Anywhere But Here
by AhhSupernatural
Summary: Castiel and Dean get together, but Castiel gets scared. (Warning: Destiel) (Rated M for reference to sex, I didn't want anyone freaking out when they read it.)


Inspiration and italicized lyrics came from "Anywhere But Here" by Rise Against.

_We've been alright up until now._

Dean rolled over in his sleep, his arm automatically reached out to pull the other body closer to him. His eyes shot open when his hand met nothing. His heart chilled just as his hand curled into the cold sheets.

_Another night_, Dean thought as he sat up.

"Dear Castiel," he whispered, resisting the urge to hold his head in his hands. "I pray that you're hearing me, that you're not ignoring me." He raised his eyes to the ceiling, as if he could see his angel up in heaven. "I also pray," his deep voice hitched, pain blatant in the sound, "I just pray you're okay, Cas. When- _If_ you come back to me, please be in one piece."

_Without a dime to my name or a prayer in the world, I walk out the door._

Castiel watched as Dean picked himself up with a sigh. Moments ago, invisible to Dean, Castiel had flown down, had held his hand over Dean's bare shoulder, but hesitated from gripping it.

Castiel tried to convince himself that he wasn't _really_ ignoring Dean, since he always came to Dean when he called, but the angel saw how slumped the hunter's shoulders were and he knew in his heart that he was lying to himself.

Unable to watch how broken Dean seemed, Castiel flew off to sit on a park bench.

_Destination: anywhere but here._

Thirty four days ago – Castiel had kept track of the days – the hunter had finally kissed his angel, finally gave into what they had been feeling for so long. The night had been phenomenal, filled with heated moans and newly spoken "I love you"s. Even after almost five weeks, he could still remember the feeling of Dean moving inside him. He could still remember the taste of Dean as the hunter bit at his lips and wrapped their tongues together. Smokey, he recalled, just like the fire that had lit the hunter's eyes that night, the fire that was dwindling from his eyes now.

Castiel sighed and rested his head in his hands, resolving himself to battle the fear that had been plaguing him.

_These empty rooms are still filled with you._

Dean rolled his shoulders as he stepped into his motel room later that night, loosening his Fed tie. He hated the recon part of the job, he was much more partial to the run-in-and-kill part.

In the safety of an empty room, Dean let his guard down just enough to allow his shoulders to droop like they had that morning.

_I'm so tired, and turned around, and scared._

He reached into his bag and pulled out the bottle of Jack. _Gotta sleep sometime,_ he thought as he took a large swig. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, he rubbed his face. The years of hunting were really catching up to him. He was only thirty three, but he had seen too much in his life, had fought too many battles. It was always easier if Cas was with him, and not just because of the angel powers.

After chugging from the bottle again, he laid down with a sigh.

_I'm lying in empty beds again._

"Dear Castiel," he started. "I hope you don't mind me bothering you, but I did say that I pray to you every night, no reason to stop now." He laid his forearm across his eyes before he spoke again. His voice shook, "Listen, I thought you said you loved me too, Cas. I thought you liked that night, too." After taking a breath that shook as much as his voice, he rolled over to attempt to sleep, "I'm sorry."

_I'll wait for you to come to your senses, barbed-wire fences won't keep me from breaking through.  
I swear I will to you._

Suddenly, just as Dean was about to drift off into a troubled sleep, he heard a flutter of wings.

"Do you truly believe that, Dean?" Castiel said, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown.

"Cas!" Dean shouted, jerking his body into a sitting position. A huge smile graced his face, at least for a moment before his face took on a guarded look instead.

"I meant every word," the angel started. "I was just scared." He sat down on the opposite side of the bed, his hand reaching out towards Dean's. He wasn't surprised when Dean quickly moved his hand away. "You have to understand, I'm at least a million years old," Castiel tried to explain.

Dean turned his head away.

"I never expected to feel this way, I didn't know I _could_ feel like this..." Castiel reached for Dean's hand again, and this time the hunter didn't move away. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for leaving you. I can't take back the pain I left you with. But," Castiel's features softened as he gave Dean a small smile. "If you'll let me, I can make it up to you."

Dean turned to look at his angel, a tinge of sadness still in his eyes. "I was scared, too, Cas."

Castiel nodded, and sat closer to Dean on the bed. He brought his face close to the hunter's, "I'll do my best, with everything I have inside me, to make you happy."

Dean smiled before pulling Castiel into a deep kiss. The angel smiled as he returned the kiss, glad to taste that smokey flavor again.

"Hey Cas?" Dean murmured.

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel said, leaning back just enough to nip at Dean's bottom lip before looking at the hunter's face.

Dean winked as he pulled Castiel down on top of him, "I'm the only thing that should be inside you."


End file.
